Guiltless

A choice made by you to interfere,

now I can't handle any soul near.

No contact is too far away,

I'm surrounded yet alone every day.

To you it was a simple thing,

taken what you wanted and never looked back.

stripped me clear of any resolve

the bleeding has stopped but I still feel the cracks

left in me by your misuse.

I never wanted the abuse.

I choose now to rebuild and grow,

to look past the pain, tears and sorrow.

I am the 'me' I wanted to be

to see, feel and breathe.

Though this will hurt evermore,

I look to myself, and adore!

My heart yearns for a soul like me.

To see, feel and breathe

the way I do from life's harsh blade.

Is there another?

I grow always, and wait...

She

Clumsily awakened and focus near,

the sheets still cling crisp and sheer.

The fragrance of her beauty near,

a wisp of hair falls, my senses reel.

the echo of the night just passed,

 not a word spoken, nor moment ungrasped.

Her delicate silhouette raises smooth,

comfort swallows my anxious mood.

All I feel is blissful glee,

as I lay in awe at the wondrous perfection,

of She. 

As the city night life flickered about him Samuel considered his options. He could run and ultimately subject himself to a lifetime of looking over his shoulder, or he could turn himself in and hope the police would understand the extenuating circumstances that surrounded her demise. Her sweet face flashed in his mind now. Blonde hair blowing back up toward him. Her features scared, full of fear, eyes questioning and accusing at the same time. He remembered the scream as she fell. A shrill sound that, even now, pierced him to the bone and cut his heart like a knife. The thud that followed had seen to completely emaciating any hope Sam had of putting this night completely behind him. She slipped. He was sure of this. He reached out to hold her and she slipped on the rain drenched balcony. She must have. There is no way he could harm her, not even now that she admitted to the truth and substantiated Sam's claims once and for all. Even as she spoke the words confirming his worst fears he knew he would still love her just as completely as ever and would find a way to get through this. That was four hours ago, and now Trinity was dead.

A siren one block over echoed through the city and roused Sam from his reverie. Quickly he stood and started off in the opposite direction of the noise. Trying to clarify any confusion about this night had to wait, because now his main priority was survival. The rain started to fall once again and Samuel trudged off into the night in search of a place to sleep, and to think.

Just "be"

Just write. Put it down. Get it out. Speak your mind and don't hold back because you never know who can benefit from your experiences. I have been affected so many times by the simplest of things. A simple sentence, a passing comment, no matter how trivial it seems to the speaker, can change the way you think about yourself and the world around you. It can motivate others, shed some light on a troubled topic that has taken weeks to become clear. Everything can help. It's all relevant and nothing is trivial. Learn to adjust your sight to the little things. Take the time to stop and absorb the world around you. Succumb to the suggestions that life offers and know that within us all is the power to create, imagine, and build our own universe.

            I know it's hard, believe me I know. Each of us has had some thing, some event or situation in life that we each find hard to get through. You will overcome. You are not alone. We are never alone. Try new things, meet new people, live by your principles, don't harm others. Never be ashamed of who you are and remember that there are people that look at you with awe and wonder how you can be so strong. You are a source of inspiration to others. Be the inspiration to yourself. Just be! 

Self reinstatement

Well folks, after a hard few years and some life changing events I have decided to make writing a much larger part of my life than ever before. Once again you will see blogs on here that consist of short stories, social observations, excerpts from drafts of upcoming releases and the occasional laying out of the creation of my imagination. Please feel free to comment as your input, advice, suggestions, requests, and communication is greatly appreciated.

Peace,
Steve :)

Self worth

It’s amazing how we think of ourselves, and what light we shine on ourselves. I don’t know about you, but when I grew up, I had, somewhere along the line, adopted a notion that I had nothing to offer anyone least of myself. I would hermitise myself, walk away from people at school, bury myself in my own world at home and obligingly sit and wait as time ticked its never ending toll. As I grew this didn’t change. In fact, it became worse. As the responsibility of work and family came into my life it seemed easier to remove myself from any situation that conflicted with my own thoughts of self worthlessness. I made myself a victim. I have shed tears for no reason and I have bawled my eyes out at my own seclusion. I marveled at how efficiently I could be alone. I truly felt alone.

I started to listen to heavy metal when I was very young. I found solace in the profound expression it harboured, and grew to love how it accepted me, and understood me for who I was. It was always there for me and remains to be. Why is this important? I had found the key to my own release at a young age and ignored it. I used to think that the more brutal and expressive my music was, the more shocking it was to others, the more I liked it. The adult in me knows that the child in me always had the key. The key being; because I had found something that I could relate to, with a little effort, I could apply the same process to myself. So I did. I now no longer regret the person I became nor do I expect others to like me at face value. I like myself, and I have a beautiful wife and son who love me. That is all that counts.

I see people get treated by others in a bad way, probably because it fits their own reflection of themselves. We make our own emotional environments. Likewise I see people having a great time within a group and realize now it’s nothing to do with confidence or money or status. They are in touch with themselves.

Recently I had a dear friend of mine explain to me how much he loved me for me. To that friend I say thank you for seeing me for who I am, but more importantly, thank you for affirming that the projection of myself is now in tune with how I feel about myself. I feel great about me and you told me I was right. It was once said “In order to love another you must first love yourself”. I’m going to add a footnote to that quote. In order to find love in another, you must first love yourself and be bold enough to let another love you.

The Awakening

Darius froze. His cold limbs ceased all movement. Senses keen he scanned the forest seeking the origin of the noise. Not a noise really, just a rustle, like a leaf catching fabric. Nothing. The vampire took another step towards the small clearing ahead. The scent of the living assaulted him and amidst his ravenous hunger it threatened to corrupt his judgement. Twice now Darius had taken blood from victims here. This appeared to the growing vampire to be a rest spot of some sort. He could pick up their scent from hundreds of yards away, detected expertly through the acrid smell of smoke from their camp fires. The sweet smell of life that gave Darius strength and vitality. And the taste. The taste of human blood called to him.

His first victim had been completely unaware of the undead predator standing behind him. Darius had awoken on that night with the scent already upon him. Knowing this new strange creature had been near, Darius had crept slowly from his cave and found the man on the path to the east walking slowly leading a pack mule laden with wares and canvas covered sacks. The blood from the mule had been inviting, but the smell of the man called to Darius' soul. Aware the mule posed no threat to him Darius stalked the man to the edge of the clearing. He watched the man hobble the mule, light a fire and retrieve some goods from the sacks. Then he had risen and walked away some yards to urinate. By this time Darius had been drunk with hunger. In a blink the vampire covered the fifty yards between himself and the man. Standing within arms reach Darius had taken a long inhale and drank in the moment, his soul screamed to him and with powerful arms the vampire grabbed the man and sank his long teeth into the slender neck. Blood gushed into his willing mouth, the taste so exquisite he sank to the earth to finish. Then it happened. Discarding the wilted husk of his victim he lay back. His muscles twitched and his skin tightened, new found strength poured into his body. Darius opened his eyes. The scene shocking him for a moment, trees glowed with a green haze, the sky so clear now the stars and waning moon shone like the terrible sun. Turning he looked to the mule still hobbled at the campsite. It too had a glow about it, but it was the colour of blood. Crimson and bright and yet he felt no more hunger for it. The vampire stood and faced a nearby young birch tree. Knowing his intent Darius clenched a fist and thrust forward with all the power he could muster. The birch felt like water to his knuckles and splintered away allowing the twenty foot tree to topple and fall. The young vampire spread his lips into a grin, then widened it to a smile and screamed a soul tearing howl into the night, then in a flash of leaves, Darius was gone.